My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
