Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh god it's open bar.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
