I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
