i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
