I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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