How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
