I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
