I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
