So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Houston, we have a squirter
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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