What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
