I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
