a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
