is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
