dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
