Moan for me like Helen Keller
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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