His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
