I want to have your abortion
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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