he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
