you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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