The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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