wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
