i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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