My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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