he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
