what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
