well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
