I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
