i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
