I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am naked and annoyed.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
