Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My vagina is officially offended.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
