i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My vagina just recognized that song.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
