What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
