she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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