Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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