Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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