Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
