you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
