my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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