i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
operation have a gay friend backfired
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
we're so committed to being not committed
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