sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
