He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
