How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
