He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
