your parents love me but you hate me
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
