I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
