Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
