my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
