just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
