rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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