Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
