I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
