it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
