Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
