bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
