What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
